


How I Met Your Vampire

by theworstfanficever



Category: Piquant! A Vampire’s Guide to Pansexual Porn
Genre: Balcony Scene, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn With Plot, Public Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Vampire Sex, Werewolf, Werewolf Sex, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 20:58:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15009335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworstfanficever/pseuds/theworstfanficever
Summary: Zeev is a young man struggling to become a private investigator. He lives in his office and tries to make the ends meet, and even though his life seems hard enough, he has to deal with some supernatural problems as well, given the fact that he’s a werewolf.One day, as he walks back home, he encounters someone who seems even less human than him. As he follows the young man, he finds out that not only vampires exist, they also have an awful appetite for so much more than blood...





	How I Met Your Vampire

I’m absolutely convinced it must have been an autumn day, but it wasn’t wet at all. The weather was still quite warm in the noon, but the wind made it necessary to wear coats or at least scarves in the evening.

I was coming back from a client meeting, although not entirely happy as I wasn’t paid as much as I should have been. New to the business, I was being taken advantage of; I was working long hours to get satisfying results, but they treated me like the cheapest option. I was, after all, the kid that lived in his office above a restaurant.

I left the underground station and then it hit me. A smell I have never encountered before, something cold, dead, and mysterious. The detective in me became curious, looking for a crime scene in vicinity. The werewolf in me awakened.

I didn’t go the usual way, but followed the scent instead. I took a narrow street leading to and an underground (literally) tea shop, a vegan bistro closed at this hour, and a bar. The music was getting louder, but I focused entirely on the scent. And when I noticed him, I immediately knew he was its source.

It was a skinny white boy, and I say ‘boy’ for the lack of a better word. He looked younger than me, however at the same time, what I learned when he looked back for a second and I saw his profile, weirdly timeless.

I wanted to know what he was, I wanted to understand. He turned into another street, and I followed him.

I stopped, facing an empty street surrounded with closed shops. The only person there was an owner of a second-hand bookshop, packing up the books he kept in wooden boxes outside during the day. The owner went back inside.

I could swear I smelled the scent, but I couldn’t see the guy. I took a few more steps, but then, disappointed, turned around to leave the dead end street.

There he was. Standing right opposite me, at the end of the street, with his hands in his pockets. His skin was pale, slightly pinkish near the eyes. Smiling like one of those sixteen year old gay boys that know exactly how attractive they are, he parted his lips to say:

“You’ve been following me, I’m flattered.”

He looked twenty, but he sounded older. I stepped closer, and he raised his head to look me in the eyes. The animal part of me considered it aggressive, the wolf in me saw it as a fight for dominance. The human in me was the more so curious.

“Now you lead the way,” he added.

I nodded, but didn’t speak. When I walked past him, I brushed his hand with mine. God, he was cold.

He was following me; I knew it, because I could still smell him behind me. I heard his soft footsteps, and yet I couldn’t hear his heartbeat. I assumed it’d be fastened and louder, but I still couldn’t grasp it.

I looked back as we approached the door in the back alley of the Vietnamese restaurant. The sun had set and the man left the darkness as if he was leaving a warm bath.

“Hesitant?” he asked as he joined me on the concrete step.

“Who are you?” I inquired, but what I truly wanted to ask was: “What are you?”

“Milogost, but you can call me Milo,” the man answered. He stepped closer and tiptoed so that his lips could reach my ear. “And soon to be the best fuck of your life.”

And I knew it wasn’t just the wolf in me that was aroused. I wanted him, whatever he was, I wanted him.

We climbed the stairs and I opened the door to my office. I didn’t turn the light on, knowing it didn’t suit him or what we were about to do.

He walked through my office, looking for the most interesting place for establishing a deeper connection between our bodies. His eyes first rested on the desk, but he soon noticed something more exciting. The night air slipped into the room when he opened the balcony door. He turned around and I followed him outside.

I stopped as close to him as possible. His hands rested on my chest. He must have felt my beating heart and understood how aroused I was.

“I’m going to open your fly now and put my hand around your dick, is that fine?”

I swallowed.

“Yes.”

He must have known he didn’t have to ask, but hearing it from his lips made me even hornier. His eyes never left mine as he unbuckled my belt and undid my fly. I flinched when his cold fingers clenched on my penis. But it was pleasurable, like lukewarm bath during summer.

He chuckled.

“Big and hot, just as I imagined.” He moisturized his lips. “What do you want me to do with it? Suck it or take it up my ass?”

Good Lord, I'm not usually a fan of saying obscenities, even in an intimate situation, but he was making me quiver.

I leaned to kiss those lewd lips of his. They were cold, his whole face was cold, as I learned when I put my hands on his cheeks.

“Whatever,” I replied as our lips parted. “Do whatever you want with me.”

“Is it okay if I bite you a little then?” he asked.

“Whatever you want.”

Sensing his movements, I leaned my head. His hand slipped up and down my penis and I moaned when he bit my neck.

“Oh, boy,” he whispered and licked his lips again. For a second I wasn’t sure if I saw blood on his lower lip, but soon after I realized I was right because I could smell it. “I haven’t fucked a werewolf in a while.”

I hesitated for a moment, but soon relaxed, because I could not hear any threat in his words.

“How do you know?”

“The fact I was drinking your blood should give you a hint,” he replied and stepped back. I whined again when his hand let go of my penis. “Bring us some comfortable chair, will you?”

Clumsy with desire, rushed by my own blood, I turned around and went into my office. For a second, I was sure I’m never going to find the bottle of lube and the pack of condoms hidden in my drawer, but finally, I threw them on the seat and pushed the chair through the balcony door.

Milo was almost done undressing. He put his pants on the floor and stood barefoot next to the railing. He was still wearing his black shirt. It was buttoned and long enough to reach to his thighs, so I didn’t know if he had his underwear on or not. Sexy nonetheless.

I threw the lube bottle and the condoms to the ground and sat in the chair, facing him, aware this is what he expected. I held on to the seat as if it was a lifeboat.

Milo came closer and bent over me, resting his hands on the armrest. I still couldn’t see if he was wearing his underwear or not, and I was desperate to know.

When he kissed me, his lips were soft, but very cold, as if I was kissing a frozen rose.

I wanted to make him warmer, to share my warmth, I wanted to thrust my heat upon him. I put my hand on the armrest and our fingers locked. We kept holding hands when he knelt on the floor and started sucking my dick. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to do it. The amount of pressure he was applying was perfect, his throat was tight, but soft and comfortable, he did it like he was destined for this.

Finally, when he was kneeling in front of me, his shirt lifted a little and I saw his naked butt. It was round, white, and probably very tight.

I was ready to come after just twelve seconds. Milo must have been aware of that, because he stopped before I touched his head.

Once he stood up, I grabbed the condoms and took one out. I was struggling to put it on, but finally Milo chuckled and leaned again to help me.

“It’s upside down. Like this,” he whispered and slipped the condom on my penis. “Are you ready?”

I spread the lube as quickly as possible, not really evenly or thoroughly, and nodded. He turned around and sat on my laps, his back leaning against my chest. I hugged him tight and rested my hand on his throat. He used his toes to push away from the floor and press harder on my hips. It was great, it was fantastic, I was inside him and I growled with his every move. It was overwhelming. Quite a few of my not so many previous boyfriends considered the size of my penis exciting and alluring, but also rather painful when shoved inside a very sensitive body part without proper lubrication. But Milo acted like he’s ready to do anything. I suddenly regretted I was wearing a condom. I wanted to feel everything, I wanted to warm him up from inside and out. I just wanted him.

We laughed when I tried to stand up and failed. We stood up on the second attempt and Milo turned around. I overpowered him with ease, especially that he wasn’t interested in putting up a fight. A second later he was lying on his back, and I was busy on top of him, between his legs.

It was like a wet dream, wild and without any sense. I not only wanted Milo, I needed him. It felt as if our bodies were made to complement each other.

We kissed again and when I lifted my head, I saw pale light in his eyes. It was almost full moon, reflecting in his watery eyes. He closed them right before he came. I soon felt an orgasm as well, breathtaking, paralyzing, something I would never expect to experience with a person I was having sex with for the first time. And even though my lips felt stiff, I kissed him again.

After a moment that I needed to calm down, I realized it was cold and extremely uncomfortable on the balcony floor. Milo couldn’t possibly feel okay between the hard tiles and my heavy body.

I stood up and helped him up.

“I can’t offer much,” I said, afraid he’d laugh at me and leave. I went back inside to throw the condom away. Milo picked up his clothes and pushed the chair back into my office. “Thanks,” I replied and pushed the chair behind the desk. I picked up and unrolled my current bedding comprising a quilted mattress and a duvet.

To my delight, Milo didn’t laugh, but came closer to lay down on the mattress and patted down the place next to him, inviting me.

“Don’t you want to put on your underwear?”

“What for?” he asked.

I undressed, but left my shorts on, and lay down beside him. The bed was small, so the lack of space was my excuse to hug him tight.

“So vampires are real,” I whispered.

“Don’t be so surprised.”

“That’s implausible,” I replied. None of my boyfriends, actually no one except my dad knew I was a werewolf and suddenly I had someone who knew. I didn’t even have to explain, he just knew. “I mean, that we’ve met and that you’re different like me, and that you’re gay like me.”

“Well, I’m not actually gay,” he corrected me. “I refuse to be described by puny human labels.”

At that time, it seemed impressive.

“But is it okay if we meet again?” I asked. As always after sex, I was sleepy, but also excited, and I felt as if I was about to lose an opportunity if I fell asleep now. “Do you want to do something tomorrow or over the weekend?”

“I don’t even know your name, Mr. Wolf,” he scoffed.

“It’s Zeev.”

“Cute,” he said and I felt his hand on my wrist. He patted it with his thumb. “Listen, Zeev, I do exactly what we just did. I fuck. It’s hot and thrilling, and spectacular. What I don’t do, is dating. I’m not going to let you take me to restaurants or cinemas, and I’m not going to play house with you. But if you want to fuck, I can do that 24/7.”

“I understand.”

I didn’t understand, not at the time, but I later realized he was doing me a favor. Milogost was not a boyfriend material.

I closed my eyes. With slow, steady, deep, quiet breaths, I noticed my thought stream move away from Milo and sex to calmer subjects. My dream was pleasurable but so unimportant I didn’t remember it when I woke up again.

The room was gray and I needed a moment to adjust my eyes to the light. The sun was soon to raise and Milo was clearly getting ready to leave before it does. Done with putting on his pants, he stopped for a moment to glance at my coffee table. He froze with his fingers on the document folder. His face tensed for a second and his eyes twitched, before he blinked and straightened up.

Milo turned toward me and noticed I was observing him.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“A missing child’s case,” I explained and cleared my throat. He raised his eyebrows, possibly surprised I had pictures of missing kids in my office. “I’m a private investigator. Or I try to be.”

Milo smiled and came closer to the mattress.

“I may be able to help you with that.”

* * *

 

The original work this fic is based on is called '[Piquant! A Vampire’s Guide to Pansexual Porn](https://www.amazon.com/Piquant-Vampires-Guide-Pansexual-Porn-ebook/dp/B07DX5JB5R/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8)' and is available on Kindle. If you don’t know it yet, be sure to check it out!


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